I dont Understand!

There are so many things i don't understand. Things have gone and things have stayed as well as people. It is the end of my high school career and I am excited to go out into the world yet scared to miss the people i will leave behind. So much has changed over the year. I feel like I have grown and am a man. I feel like I can take on this world, yet i feel as if something or someone is missing. I don't understand how god works sometimes and yes, i do believe in a higher power. Sometimes I believe im helping some people who really need help, like they were pushed into my path for a reason. I wonder though, when I will be pushed into someone's path, when will I recieve help. I don't understand how love works, it just happens apparently. Over the year i felt my heart loving a girl. She always knew deep down inside, but i did not want to complicate things by saying it by showing how i fell for a person i was suppose to save. Things happened, my emotions grew to strong and i didnt understand how it would turn out when we kissed. Neither did she i believe. I cannot believe i fell in love with a girl, who is scared to love me back, scared to lose me, scared to open herself even more than what she already had. Many men have played with her, have built up her wall. But I dont understand how I was built on the other side, as if she didnt want anyone peeking through. I just dont understand, when you say you want to love someone , you want to just know all about them and be with them and have no care in the world,and you just become a hypocrite....... I'm right here and i don't understand, how you can't see me beyond your wall.

Why does one keep trying when he knows he can't have it.

Why does a man keep trying when he knows he can't have what he can't get. He believes that maybe there is a glimmer of hope but when he looks at the big picture, he can see that there is none. He blinds himself in order to stay on course, in order to be "the one". He gets little tastes of victory here and there but can never win the war. It tears deep into his heart and confuses his decisions and clouds his thoughts. Why can't a man just realize he has lost? Well I must say we are truly stubborn and stupid, but those I am saying aren't bad qualities. I rather be stubborn and stupid going after the one I love then being Smart and passive. Because in the end.... being stubborn and stupid might get you the love of your life... or it might just rip your heart in half.

Blinded by love or consumed by Beauty?

Love is a very difficult topic to explain. It comes here and there and can go just as easily. I for one can grasp its immense power that it can obtain over one's wills, thoughts and emotions. Some believe love is horrible and painful but others like to think that it can create your wildest dreams come true. It is one experience we will all have through life and it is up to you to cope with it. I for one find troubles... I get confused easily with concepts and things. This is why I hide behind my mask, the wall built up for someone who can truly be strong enough to break it down. I Try not to show weaknesses and emotions but they are noticable if you take the time. Right now I feel as if I should just go out on a limb and leave myself unprotected and revealed, but I'm not sure if it is the right time or if this person I wish to get to know a lot better will shrug me off. I wish not to be attracted to her but I cannot resist my urge.. it comes naturally. Her smile, her looks, her emotions, her mysterious ways, intrigue the boy behind the mask. It could be Lust... but I want to know, I want to get to know her, and find the love and happiness I see. Reading minds would be a talent I truly wish to have, but I wish she could just look at the mask.. and then look further, into my eyes, into my soul.

The Birthday Boy!

Ah, I thought my 17th Birthday was going to be like the rest. Cake , presents and more but this day has been excitingly different. I woke up to people coming into my room dragging me out of bed and blind folding me in my PJ's (Mind you I had to put them on since I sleep in my underwear only). They guided me to the car and we drove all the way down to Rickey's and sat down and then my blind fold was off. It felt like I got teleported magically actually :P. I thought it was pretty cool anyways. I am glad I have a loving sister and brother-in-law as well as wicked friends that could make this day feel like none other. Then Phil (Brother in law) and I, went and played video games and went walking everywhere while my mom and sister did things. I finally got to know who my sister married and I finally know that he is a cool guy. I had only met him twice before and this is the only real time we have had getting to know eachother and it was awesome. I just feel soo loved, it makes me happy. If you give a lot, you will get a lot back. I realize that now, since I want to make all my family's birthdays awesome now. I love being the boy of the day but it isnt over yet! I hope they have more in store for me.

*Message Brought to you by "The Tuxedo Mask"* <3

Live your life!

A wise turtle once said. "The past is the past, the future is a mystery and right now is a gift, that is why we call it the present." Oh he was right! Live for the moment because it might pass you by. Don't let others influence your choices and don't care what other people think of you. You might actually get people thinking like you deep down inside. They just might not admit it right now. We all have our similarities and our differences. Let your differences shine and your life will blossom. This message was brought to you by... *flex* The Tuxedo Mask! *wink*

Cursed to Love.

For some reason unknown I dont get my world. I see my friends all around having crushes, getting girlfriends, having relationships and then either being dumped or being the dumper. Can a relationship truly last? It make me wonder....

I feel the emptyness. It comes to me whenever I see a couple laughing, kissing, holding hands whatever the case, I grow jealous. It is because I can't seem to find what they have.. but is what they have real? They eventually break up and they just don't think of eachother ever again... as if nothing happened... and the man just says how she is a b**** anyways. How can a person say this when you loved her. I dont understand my world.

I dreamt of the fairytale, I the prince go and sweep a girl off her feet and she falls madly in love with me. My greatest flaw, I still believe in Fairytales. This is possibly why I can't let go. When I say I love you.. I mean it. I keep searching for that girl.. the one in my dreams.. I think i see her here and there but then she vanishes. It hurts to know that I might be chasing her forever, but I need to fill this emptyness. I need to. I dont understand my world.

I have always been a lover, not a fighter. I think deep. I fall in love, but it never lasts. It just leaves the hole bigger. Why can't it be simple like my Fairytale? Why can't I just forget like my friends, why am I cursed to love, why can't I just say that I dont care. Why aren't people like me? or are they, and I havent seen? I dont understand my world.

I feel lonely sometimes. When everyone leaves. My parents leave me to go see my brother and sister in Calgary. It sucks to have no one to talk to, no one to listen, no one to feel. I get up in the morning to my alarm, see another beautiful day and get ready with only the sound of the shower and my voice singing. No one to talk too, I wait for awhile sitting, thinking, then I walk to school listening to music the window to everyone's soul. I put my best mask on.. my "Tuxedo mask" and get through the day listening and watching my friends. I walk down the same hallways, hoping for the girl to appear and everyday she does not. I get home to no one around, no one to talk to.

I'm not sure if she will ever come, to be cursed to love and not have one to love is my emptyness. Why can't my fairytale be simple? Why can everyone else forget thier Loves? Why can't I find her?.. questions that might never be answered,

but my Fairytale is just beginning....

Mr. Brightside the window to my emotions.

Music is the window to people's hearts. You can tell what people are thinking by just looking at there playlist. Here is one of mine.