I dont Understand!

There are so many things i don't understand. Things have gone and things have stayed as well as people. It is the end of my high school career and I am excited to go out into the world yet scared to miss the people i will leave behind. So much has changed over the year. I feel like I have grown and am a man. I feel like I can take on this world, yet i feel as if something or someone is missing. I don't understand how god works sometimes and yes, i do believe in a higher power. Sometimes I believe im helping some people who really need help, like they were pushed into my path for a reason. I wonder though, when I will be pushed into someone's path, when will I recieve help. I don't understand how love works, it just happens apparently. Over the year i felt my heart loving a girl. She always knew deep down inside, but i did not want to complicate things by saying it by showing how i fell for a person i was suppose to save. Things happened, my emotions grew to strong and i didnt understand how it would turn out when we kissed. Neither did she i believe. I cannot believe i fell in love with a girl, who is scared to love me back, scared to lose me, scared to open herself even more than what she already had. Many men have played with her, have built up her wall. But I dont understand how I was built on the other side, as if she didnt want anyone peeking through. I just dont understand, when you say you want to love someone , you want to just know all about them and be with them and have no care in the world,and you just become a hypocrite....... I'm right here and i don't understand, how you can't see me beyond your wall.