Cursed to Love.

For some reason unknown I dont get my world. I see my friends all around having crushes, getting girlfriends, having relationships and then either being dumped or being the dumper. Can a relationship truly last? It make me wonder....

I feel the emptyness. It comes to me whenever I see a couple laughing, kissing, holding hands whatever the case, I grow jealous. It is because I can't seem to find what they have.. but is what they have real? They eventually break up and they just don't think of eachother ever again... as if nothing happened... and the man just says how she is a b**** anyways. How can a person say this when you loved her. I dont understand my world.

I dreamt of the fairytale, I the prince go and sweep a girl off her feet and she falls madly in love with me. My greatest flaw, I still believe in Fairytales. This is possibly why I can't let go. When I say I love you.. I mean it. I keep searching for that girl.. the one in my dreams.. I think i see her here and there but then she vanishes. It hurts to know that I might be chasing her forever, but I need to fill this emptyness. I need to. I dont understand my world.

I have always been a lover, not a fighter. I think deep. I fall in love, but it never lasts. It just leaves the hole bigger. Why can't it be simple like my Fairytale? Why can't I just forget like my friends, why am I cursed to love, why can't I just say that I dont care. Why aren't people like me? or are they, and I havent seen? I dont understand my world.

I feel lonely sometimes. When everyone leaves. My parents leave me to go see my brother and sister in Calgary. It sucks to have no one to talk to, no one to listen, no one to feel. I get up in the morning to my alarm, see another beautiful day and get ready with only the sound of the shower and my voice singing. No one to talk too, I wait for awhile sitting, thinking, then I walk to school listening to music the window to everyone's soul. I put my best mask on.. my "Tuxedo mask" and get through the day listening and watching my friends. I walk down the same hallways, hoping for the girl to appear and everyday she does not. I get home to no one around, no one to talk to.

I'm not sure if she will ever come, to be cursed to love and not have one to love is my emptyness. Why can't my fairytale be simple? Why can everyone else forget thier Loves? Why can't I find her?.. questions that might never be answered,

but my Fairytale is just beginning....